Sunday, February 14, 2010

Scandal in the Holy Land!

So, I am no stranger to the fact that despite my best efforts to bring you timely news reports, hard-hitting analysis, and of course a charming writing personality, Holy Land Peace just doesn't bring in the readership of such profound publications as People magazine and Us Weekly. I've checked my daily hits to the site, and although the pageviews and visitors have dramatically increased in the past months and despite the fact that HLP is read in no less than a dozen countries (we're big in South America by the way), Holy Land Peace is just not all that popular. Even the National Enquirer has a greater readership than poor old HLP. But all of that changes today. I did the research. I bought subscriptions to People  and Us and now I know what sells and will make it my aim to make sure that Holy Land Peace brings you what you want: scandal. Yes, that's right, I'm diving into the gutter and wading through the muck to bring you what sells: Sex. Are you getting excited? Well you should be, for there is a sex scandal in the Holy Land.

In what has to be one of the most hilarious news articles on the Holy Land I have ever read, The Independent reports that Rafiq Husseini, a top aide to Palestinian president Mahmoud Abbas was caught on film in the nude attempting to trade his influence for sex with a women off-screen in a hidden camera sting operation. The hidden camera sting was set up by the the former director of a Palestinian governmental anti-corruption unit, Fahmi Shabaneh after a woman had complained to him that Husseini had been attempting to pressure her into engaging in unspeakable acts of lust with him. In the video, casanova Rafiq Husseini, attempting to woo the women into sleeping with him, uses several irresistible pick-up lines including, "Do I turn the light off or do you?" and my personal favorite, "what is the procedure?" as he stands next to the bed in the nude.

The hidden camera footage literally exposing Husseini was passed along to Israeli television and broadcast on an Israeli news program. Husseini's Fateh party, of which Abbas is also a part of responded to the footage by asserting that it would, "not allow anyone to use his position to serve his personal agenda or fantasies," in what is obviously the most hilarious Fateh press release in the organization's 40 year history. Abbas has officially dismissed Husseini and has ordered an investigation into what possible consequences the aide may face.

In a move this commentator has described as part of an effort to address the (apparently) growing unchecked sexual urges of Palestinian government officials, the Palestinian Authority, just two days after the broadcast of Rafiq Husseini's sexploits, confiscated 1 million Chinese-made sexual stimulant pills worth an estimated $20 million. The Palestinian police forces raided the warehouse in collaboration with the PA Ministry of Health and Ministry of Taxes and Customs. The importer had apparently not paid for a license to import medicines. Khalid Seder, Director of the Ministry of Health in the Palestinian city of Hebron/Al-Khalil concluded that the one million confiscated pills could not have been absorbed by the West Bank market of only 4.5 million Palestinians and were probably slated to be sold in neighboring countries like Egypt and Jordan. Seder has apparently not heard of Rafiq Husseini's unquenchable urges. The Palestinian Authority hopes more sexual drug busts like this one will lead to less corruption among government officials hellbent on using what little influence a position in the crippled and corrupt PA affords one.

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